Nicholas — I  wish emotions were more predictable. More logical. More clearly based on cause and effect. I don’t think that’s unreasonable of me. But wackiness seems to be the way. Feelings sometimes seem so out of sync with what’s going on.  Melancholy/irritability on a beautiful carefree day (was my unconscious processing the need to deal pretty […] Read More

Our Kaya has left us. Would have been thirteen on Saturday. I doubt if he thought of himself as a majestic handsome dog. Sometimes he thought of himself as a lapdog, in spite of weighing roughly the same as I do. He was Bob’s dog, not mine, Bob being the more nurturing of us, the more […] Read More

Nicholas — Two things: 1. My somewhat-insane self-discipline seems to have gone on vacation.  2. Your confidence builder technique is turning out to be astonishingly effective. 1. The self-discipline: I’ve lately been indulging in sleeping late, far too many Cherry Cokes, days without to-do lists. Not bothering to require a lot of myself. Not rushing anything or straining to accomplish. Not […] Read More

Dear Nicholas,  Your question — how do I want to be? — suits this moment in my life very well. (Probably would suit any moment for anyone.) Last email to you, I was feeling like a box of puzzle pieces after Husband Bob’s extremely close brush with death and his unlikely survival. In the month since his return to […] Read More

(Email to therapist) Nicholas, All my routines are scrambled. I feel like a box of puzzle pieces. Shake me and I rattle. It’s not unpleasant, just new and a bit unnerving. Not even sure I’m ready to organize my life again. I’m trying to put my regular self/life back together after the six weeks at […] Read More

(Email to therapist)    Nicholas — So many surprises for me since Bob woke up from his near-death crisis in heart surgery. The cardiac medical emergency itself was the first and largest surprise, of course.  And then came: 1. The honeymoon-ish change in our marriage 2. My certainty that all medical problems are solved and […] Read More

My blog has a new name and wider focus, this change being part of some mysterious personal turning point. The blog is getting much more personal.  The new title: EMAILS TO MY THERAPIST:  Here’s the first of these emails, this time a saga of the heart: Dear Nicholas,  This change didn’t start in the emergency room. […] Read More

As a college freshman, I was pretty sure I’d discovered Leonard Cohen. I didn’t hear him blasting from a lot of other record players on the hall. So it was just Leonard and me. Then I graduated, got a newspaper job, got married, unmarried, remarried. Life and love being what they are, I somehow lost […] Read More

This man is making sex look bad. Among his other sins, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is using a previously-respected political position to tar the reputation of the, at best, sacred and ecstatic act of sex. Sex and Lust He is also making lust look bad. I don’t believe lust is bad. It’s desire for […] Read More

A study at Duke finds that a group of men report a stronger sense of spirituality after a dose of oxytocin, “the love hormone,” which is stimulated by sex. The news is reported on Duke Today, the study published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, the lead author social psychologist Patty Van Cappellen. I first […] Read More