Slide background

Cobalt Blue: A Novel

A novel for courageous readers and seekers, COBALT BLUE is a turbulent, gorgeous ride into sacred sex..

Order Now

Blog

Emails to my Therapist:
On God, Sex, Death, Love, Life Changes, Fears, Desires, Writing, and Anything Else on My Mind

losing Mom

Losing Mom

October 12, 2018
Dear Nicholas, I don’t know how to begin about losing Mom. Except to say: she died. My mother.  I don’t know what I want to “discuss,” except maybe just to talk about her.  Her name was Margaret Tucker Payne, nickname “Tuck.” Tuck Forever For so long, we — my brothers and I, and a lot […] Read More

riding out hurricane Florence Wilmington

Riding out Hurricane Florence in Wilmington

September 25, 2018
Dear Nicholas, I’m sorting through the emotional results of riding out Hurricane Florence in my hometown of Wilmington. I was there ten days, nine without power. My brothers and I were keeping Mom company; she’s 96, has sat out many hurricanes there and didn’t want to evacuate. This is not a position paper. It’s an […] Read More

Low Energy Warning Signs?

August 28, 2018
  Dear Nicholas, I would like to have a gizmo that tells me when low energy/energy crash threatens. Cars have such devices. Suppose we had to guess when we were about to run out of gas! The shoulders of roads would be crowded with people waiting for AAA to arrive. Surely there’s some way to […] Read More

astral novel sending out a book

Sending Out A Book Manuscript

August 18, 2018
Dear Nicholas, Thursday, after a bout of revising, I sent my new novel back to my agent. Sending out a  book is a big deal, perhaps akin to taking a child to their first day of kindergarten. Sometimes I’ve felt bereft by the loss of the deep immersion in the story. I think I’ve mentioned […] Read More

step-grandmother, grandparents

How Do You Say Step-grandmother in Polish?

July 27, 2018
Well, Nicholas, I was already an ex-step-great-grandmother, through my early first marriage, though I’ve never met the most recent generations. Now I hear I’m to become a step-grandmother. Golly! My extended family grows more extended, especially since the parents-to-be live in Poland. What Brought It Home Didn’t seem real until the sonogram arrived in an […] Read More

being and doing obstacle course children

Being and Doing: Do We Have to Choose?

July 18, 2018
Dear Nicholas, Here’s how I choose between being and doing in a given situation, if it seems there’s a choice to be made. I go by Niebuhr’s “Serenity Prayer.” The one that AA relies on. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom […] Read More

war on aging

Positive News in My War on Aging

July 15, 2018
Dear Nicholas, Three encouraging developments in my small personal war on aging: *Had my hearing tested and was told I have the ears of a “young adult” *Had a hilarious talk with friends of a similar vintage this week about how forgetful we’ve become *Was getting a trim when my hairdresser suggested I go back […] Read More

My Yoga Sabbath Problem

July 5, 2018
    Dear Nicholas, I’m taking a relaxing break from supposedly relaxing yoga and from my recent experiment in observing the Sabbath as a day of rest. My yoga Sabbath problem is that I’m finding both stressful. My Sabbath experiment is only a few months old and the third Sunday was wonderful. With no work […] Read More

Finished Another Draft of a Novel: The Aftermath

June 25, 2018
Dear Nicholas, Once upon a time, when I finished another draft– first, second…fifth…tenth… –of a novel, I would have what I called a post-draft nervous breakdown. The Symptoms It consisted of extreme sensitivity; sounds were too loud and irritations were infuriating. This would last about three days. I likened it to driving a car that […] Read More

Anthony Bourdain

Depression Distorts

June 8, 2018
Dear Nicholas, This is short and troubled. I know I am unqualified to speculate. Still, I have this to say about the suicide of Anthony Bourdain: Even mild depression distorts thinking and causes scalding pain. Given how much he self-medicated for many years, his depression was surely a lot more than mild. In the decisive moment, […] Read More


Follow This Blog