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Cobalt Blue: A Novel

A novel for courageous readers and seekers, COBALT BLUE is a turbulent, gorgeous ride into sacred sex..

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war on aging

Positive News in My War on Aging

July 15, 2018
Dear Nicholas, Three encouraging developments in my small personal war on aging: *Had my hearing tested and was told I have the ears of a “young adult” *Had a hilarious talk with friends of a similar vintage this week about how forgetful we’ve become *Was getting a trim when my hairdresser suggested I go back […] Read More

My Yoga Sabbath Problem

July 5, 2018
    Dear Nicholas, I’m taking a relaxing break from supposedly relaxing yoga and from my recent experiment in observing the Sabbath as a day of rest. My yoga Sabbath problem is that I’m finding both stressful. My Sabbath experiment is only a few months old and the third Sunday was wonderful. With no work […] Read More

Finished Another Draft of a Novel: The Aftermath

June 25, 2018
Dear Nicholas, Once upon a time, when I finished another draft– first, second…fifth…tenth… –of a novel, I would have what I called a post-draft nervous breakdown. The Symptoms It consisted of extreme sensitivity; sounds were too loud and irritations were infuriating. This would last about three days. I likened it to driving a car that […] Read More

Anthony Bourdain

Depression Distorts

June 8, 2018
Dear Nicholas, This is short and troubled. I know I am unqualified to speculate. Still, I have this to say about the suicide of Anthony Bourdain: Even mild depression distorts thinking and causes scalding pain. Given how much he self-medicated for many years, his depression was surely a lot more than mild. In the decisive moment, […] Read More

Inadequacy Dream: Creative Frustration

June 6, 2018
The test assignment, Nicholas, was to write a story sparked by the sight of  a blob of goopy clay on a piece of paper.  In my dream, of creative frustration, I was late for the test but then began my story brilliantly: Miss Coco Luna loved to go to Raleigh to shop. She ate lunch […] Read More

Getting Old: Full of Little Surprises

May 30, 2018
Well, it has happened again, Nicholas. More signs of getting old.  Each time I notice some new change, I go through a series of thoughts: There’s been some mistake. This can’t be right. How do I fix this? What did I do wrong to cause this? I promise I’ll never do it again. This approach […] Read More

Jung and Me: Gnosis, Hypnosis and Writing Novels

May 4, 2018
  Dear Nicholas, Here’s a piece I wrote a while back about Jung and me–Carl Jung being patron saint of most artsy-dreamy people. Given your own work with hypnosis and writing, I thought you might be interested.   To write a novel is to sink repeatedly into a waking dream. A trance experience I had […] Read More

Sabbath day

Sabbath Day Backlash

April 28, 2018
Dear Nicholas, It has been seven weeks now since I began my Sabbath day observance experiment, Sundays of rest, reflection, fun, and no work. Week Three was a revelation: a feeling of timelessness overtook me, an astonishing freedom. These last two weeks, though? Well, I feel I have a deadline to finish every imaginable task […] Read More

unprovoked sadness

Sharp Unprovoked Sadness, Coming and Going

April 14, 2018
Dear Nicholas, This week for a couple of days, I felt sudden onslaughts of seemingly unprovoked sadness, like clouds crossing a mostly clear sky, suddenly arriving, gradually departing. By unprovoked, I mean having no obvious immediate trigger. I told husband Bob about this Thursday night and he said, “Death is sad.” Yes, it is. Nobody […] Read More

team, competition, status anxiety, writing community

Status Anxiety: Win Win Win….?

March 27, 2018
Hi Nicholas, Remember that time you and I had a conversation about my extreme frustration over my book sales figures? I refused to be consoled that they weren’t higher. Financial questions aside, I’ve thought in recent years that my status anxiety had to a significant degree slipped away. But then last night I dreamed I […] Read More