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Emails to my Therapist:
On Love, Death, Life Changes, Fears, Desires, Spiritual Yearning, Writing and Anything Else on My Mind

energy spirit

Deflated Energy, Wilted Spirit

November 6, 2017
Nicholas, I hesitate to write about this for fear of making it more true. I should be saying positive encouraging affirmations to myself. But I need to sort this out. I’m taking a steroid for torn ankle tendons that’s supposed to stop swelling and instead seems to have deflated energy and spirit. Seems like too […] Read More

tightly wired

Tightly Wired: A New Definition

November 1, 2017
Nicholas, I seem to be fraying: some of my wiring, that is. I always thought “tightly wired” was a metaphor. But for about a year, I’ve had half a dozen tears in my left shoulder tendons. Now it seems that the same thing has happened in my left ankle. Guess my wires are pulled too […] Read More

The Untethered Soul

The Untethered Soul: Becoming a Truly Free Spirit

October 24, 2017
Dear Nicholas, I’ve stumbled onto a radical view of freedom, and the truth of it seems to be taking me over. The source is a book: The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. The main idea is: live life from the deepest part one’s self, and from that vantage point, notice one’s emotions and the chatter of […] Read More

Peggy Payne Bob Dick

Our Better Marriage Weekend: The Art and Science of Love

October 17, 2017
Dear Nicholas, When Bob first mentioned our going to a better marriage workshop, I was hesitant. Things were good, so why rock the boat? And he and I have been together happily most of most days since 1982. Did we need this? Well, better marriage was not his motivation. As a psychologist, he wanted to […] Read More

feeling unattractive, band-aid

Feeling Unattractive

September 27, 2017
Nicholas– I have a band-aid on my face. One little awkwardly-located temporary band-aid should not lead anyone to feeling unattractive. This is vain, shallow, and petty of me. Doesn’t bode well for a peaceful ancient age.  However…. It’s between my nose and upper lip, sort of like a pink mustache. I feel it when I […] Read More

Guilt trip road sign

Saying the Wrong Thing — Scrupulosity and OCD

September 20, 2017
Dear Nicholas — Yesterday on a beautiful morning driving to my office, I rehashed a moment of saying the wrong thing 46 years ago–something that might have been taken for an ethnic slur (which I didn’t intend!) That led to thoughts of other times I’ve stumbled into saying something hurtful or damaging or that I […] Read More

Crone? Me? How I Want to Age

September 15, 2017
Dear Nicholas, You dared to suggest the crone archetype as fitting where I now am in my life. Okay, I’m fine with the wise woman idea. But the word “crone”? Very troubling. And I do believe words matter. I want a clearly positive term for an often derided stage of life. A mild example of […] Read More

ocean wave storm stormy sky

Storm Target: Houston, We Have a Problem

September 1, 2017
Nicholas, Talking about my life feels wrong while Houston is under water. Seeing what the storm has done there, I feel I have no problems to solve. The damage there is horrific. But as a child I thought hurricanes were a great adventure. Nothing shows a change of perspective more than how my view of […] Read More

Wrapped metal strands of barbed wire fence.wired tired stress

Can You Be Stressed and Not Know It?

August 22, 2017
Dear Nicholas — I have a couple of minor health glitches of the sort that can be caused by stress and one that has been made worse by stress. I don’t usually have many health glitches and so I have to ask myself: can you be stressed and not know it? Wired and tired I […] Read More

N.C. Legislature, Dudley Price, Peggy Payne, Harry Payne

How Life Turns Out, So Far: Last of 3-Part Mini-memoir

August 14, 2017
Dear Nicholas, “How Life Turns Out (so far)” is the final piece of the personal history I started unfolding here several days ago. The first, “City Love”: brought me to the point of getting a newspaper job in Raleigh, the city that’s the original reason for writing all this. The second was “Single Girl in the City.”  This […] Read More


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