Dear Nicholas, My new stage of grief is flashing lights. Visual distortions, like at the start of a migraine, but the headache never happens, and the lights go on and on. This past Friday morning, my brothers and I began the process of dismantling the homestead, clearing out my mother‘s house. Much of the time, […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, This subject gets harder to write about. Writing a tribute was easy. Now three weeks after  her death, losing Mom is no longer a hurricane-style crisis full of shock and activity, but instead the start of coping with losing Mom, a long jagged process of dealing with the emotions and changes. First, we […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, I don’t know how to begin about losing Mom. Except to say: she died. My mother.  I don’t know what I want to “discuss,” except maybe just to talk about her.  Her name was Margaret Tucker Payne, nickname “Tuck.” Tuck Forever For so long, we — my brothers and I, and a lot […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, I’m sorting through the emotional results of riding out Hurricane Florence in my hometown of Wilmington. I was there ten days, nine without power. My brothers and I were keeping Mom company; she’s 96, has sat out many hurricanes there and didn’t want to evacuate. This is not a position paper. It’s an […] Read More

  Dear Nicholas, I would like to have a gizmo that tells me when low energy/energy crash threatens. Cars have such devices. Suppose we had to guess when we were about to run out of gas! The shoulders of roads would be crowded with people waiting for AAA to arrive. Surely there’s some way to […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, Thursday, after a bout of revising, I sent my new novel back to my agent. Sending out a  book is a big deal, perhaps akin to taking a child to their first day of kindergarten. Sometimes I’ve felt bereft by the loss of the deep immersion in the story. I think I’ve mentioned […] Read More

Well, Nicholas, I was already an ex-step-great-grandmother, through my early first marriage, though I’ve never met the most recent generations. Now I hear I’m to become a step-grandmother. Golly! My extended family grows more extended, especially since the parents-to-be live in Poland. What Brought It Home Didn’t seem real until the sonogram arrived in an […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, Here’s how I choose between being and doing in a given situation, if it seems there’s a choice to be made. I go by Niebuhr’s “Serenity Prayer.” The one that AA relies on. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, Three encouraging developments in my small personal war on aging: *Had my hearing tested and was told I have the ears of a “young adult” *Had a hilarious talk with friends of a similar vintage this week about how forgetful we’ve become *Was getting a trim when my hairdresser suggested I go back […] Read More

    Dear Nicholas, I’m taking a relaxing break from supposedly relaxing yoga and from my recent experiment in observing the Sabbath as a day of rest. My yoga Sabbath problem is that I’m finding both stressful. My Sabbath experiment is only a few months old and the third Sunday was wonderful. With no work […] Read More