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Emails to my Therapist

The TM Is Working– In Super-Surprising Ways!

Dear Nicholas, Some weeks ago, I mentioned that I was taking up Transcendental Meditation and, to make the investment worthwhile, committing to meditating twice a day for a year. Well, I’ve been steadily doing this and the TM is working


I’d been told to expect changes like greater patience (I don’t want more patience, I don’t want to be more even-tempered.) What has happened instead is a welcome surprise.


Far Better Than Patience

The big result: I’m less hesitant, a bit more assertive. I’m doing less second-guessing and fretting over decisions and actions I’ve already taken.

Many years ago, I said to Husband Bob, “Maybe I’ll take an assertiveness training course.” He looked up, wide-eyed, from his reading, “To assert what?” he said. “To whom?” I didn’t take the course then. Apparently I have now.

When I signed up for this TM regimen, what I gave as a goal was “a fresh jolt” of a positive sort. I expected something like a boost of general enthusiasm, mainly for my work, I think. I called it “zowie energy.” I was first drawn to the practice because of the resounding endorsements of such creatives as Jerry Seinfeld, Clint Eastwood, director David Lynch.

The Welcome Jolt

What has happened instead is a highly significant reduction in my largest inner problem: “the doubting disease,” the obsessive questioning and guilt over decisions I’ve made and harm I might have done. I wouldn’t have thought it possible.


Out of the Tarpits of Memory

I think I may have a reduction in guilt over things I do regret, memories that rise out of my deepest mind like mastodon bones. Not as awful now as before.

Damn! I’m amazed.

Even though I’d rather not have to meditate twice a day, this seems like a small bit of effort to get these results. And I haven’t noticed any bad side effects.

Will be interesting to see if I keep it up at the end of the year or if I decide the change is permanent and let it go.





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  • marie
    March 15, 2023 at 2:39 pm Reply

    Impressive! I might just follow your lead.
    Thanks Peggy

    • Peggy Payne
      March 15, 2023 at 2:52 pm Reply

      It sure has been good for me, Marie. Expensive, but I had such a powerful sense that it was the right thing for me that I proceeded.

  • Ruth
    March 15, 2023 at 2:44 pm Reply

    This is fascinating and inspiring! How long do you meditate each time? And is TM different than any other kind of meditation?

    • Peggy Payne
      March 15, 2023 at 2:51 pm Reply

      Twenty minutes each time, twice a day, Ruth. A large commitment in my view. Huge, actually. It’s different from other meditation I’ve done in that it’s the silent repetition of a mantra. David Lynch has created a foundation that promotes it and gives “scholarships.” He’s really good at explaining it. His experience seems better than mine so far, but I’m new at it.

  • Thomas
    March 15, 2023 at 5:05 pm Reply

    Peggy, It seems your last two posts are connected, in that TM provides a profound, deep rest in 20 minutes, more restorative than the power naps I was already proficient at. I did TM twice a day for seven years, only changing disciplines because RLS intruded, and have many times pulled off the road precisely to meditate. Blessings in all faiths that you and Bob remain safe and joyful for many more years. Love you, T.

    • Peggy Payne
      March 15, 2023 at 8:46 pm Reply

      I appreciate the blessings in all faiths, T. That seems especially generous. Love to you from us.

  • Kenju
    March 15, 2023 at 7:31 pm Reply

    That’s a massive development for good, Peggy! I hope you continue, as long as you continue to see positive results! Good for you!

    • Peggy Payne
      March 15, 2023 at 8:47 pm Reply

      Yes, massive, Kenju, though while I’m meditating I feel as if nothing’s happening. I’ve sure been thinking about you lately and hope all’s as well as it can be.

  • Kenju
    March 15, 2023 at 9:50 pm Reply

    Thanks, Peggy. It’s not easy, but I think I’ll be okay.

    • Peggy Payne
      March 15, 2023 at 9:57 pm Reply

      I don’t even like to think about how hard!

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