Forever Berating Yourself?
Dear Nicholas, I’ve found a book that’s helping me do much less self-berating and maybe a little less trying-too-hard. I read a paragraph every morning and I’m on my second time through it.
I’m convinced that berating yourself (myself) is the only true waste of time–and is also destructive.
The title does not do it justice: Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts. I would call it something like: Give It a Rest, Girl, and Get More Done While Also Enjoying Life More.
The author Oliver Burkeman comes at the problems of over-strivers in some unexpected ways. After all, he’s also the author of a book subtitled Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking.
Liberating ideas in this book for “insecure overachievers”
*We’ll never clear out all the problems and obstacles and arrive at the smooth life some of us view as “the way it’s supposed to be.” It is not a personal failure to never arrive at that imagined paradise. So stop viewing the present as flawed and solve problems as best you can with relish.
*Productivity is not paying off a debt or justifying one’s existence. It is instead simply to produce, to create. 
*Give priority to the life task, the important stuff, the work your life is asking of you.
*The tiniest actions toward a goal count. Just make sure they’re actions, not mere thoughts and resolutions.
*Do more of the most important stuff by refraining from trying to do everything, from trying to do everything perfectly, and from trying to use achievement as a way to arrive at feelings of security and control.
*Experiment with doing what you want on your own schedule, rather than continuously forcing yourself to act.
*Do the important stuff most days, to take the fear and drama out of it and make it feel like a normal activity.
*Sometimes the important stuff is easy. Effort and arduous hours spent are not the measure of its importance.
I’m finding this useful. I treasure the paragraph I read each morning. I highly recommend the book and the practice. The results have not been perfect, of course, but I’m happy with results that are very good.
Peggy
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Tags: berating myself, can't stand positive thinking, doing what you want, feelings of security and control, get more done, justifying one's existence, life task, Meditations for Mortals, Oliver Burkeman, present as flawed, problems of overstrivers, the only true waste of time, the way it's supposed to be, trying too hard
Comments
Perfect isn’t necessary. Doing is the goal even if it’s just a small thing. Then rest. You can do something else later. After having cancer, still being tested to see if it shows up elsewhere, I’ve really let go of many things. What I’m grabbing onto are moments, whatever makes me smile, and what makes life easier for me and my loved ones.
Sounds like the right approach to grabbing on, Gail. And I do hope it doesn’t show up somewhere else.
LOVE Oliver Burkeman! A friend turned me on to his book Four Thousand Weeks a while back, and I just finished listening to Meditations. It’s so nice to hear a voice of wise, funny sanity these days. Cheers to doing more of what matters!
I want to have a look at Four Thousand Weeks, Mary. And maybe by audio, which I don’t usually do. Because I imagine that this guy’s
voice adds a lot.
Yes, I highly recommend the audio — love his wry, British voice.