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Cobalt Blue: A Novel

A novel for courageous readers and seekers, COBALT BLUE is a turbulent, gorgeous ride into sacred sex..

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Emails to my Therapist

A Whole Lot of Change All At Once


Dear Nicholas, I feel like an air traffic controller (with limited control) with all that’s happening just lately. Given our complicated times, I’m probably not the only one. But everybody’s list of flying objects is different.

Here’s my list of just a few weeks:

*New book under contract!

*Good lab results on husband’s cancer (wonderful!)

*Moving my paper-stuffed office home to my already-full house

*Agent awaiting revision to another book proposal

*Scrambling to make vacation and meet-new-grandchild-in-Poland visit happen in spite of formidable covid-inspired entry regulations (maddening!!)

*End of year financial stuff for Bob’s business and mine

*The usual responsibilities, including stopping global warming

*The holidays

Also, I signed up for a two-Saturday singing class.

So things are hopping. Or I am.




In more detail on three of these items:

THE BOOK is a novel, my fourth, MY LIFE ON EARTH AND ELSEWHERE, to be traditionally published in about

a year by a small and rather innovative press Hydra Publications, which does only speculative fiction, which is to say: fantasy and sci-fi.

My novel is the story of a girl in love with an astral boyfriend, a spirit who is in training to become human.This is happening at the same time her father is having more traditional religious experiences and developing monastic leanings. The book is unusual in that it treats Christianity and fringe New Age beliefs equally seriously. I’ve been working on it off and on since I was 32. That’s forty years. In the picture of me, I’m wearing a

starry number I bought in the story’s honor a while back.





Bob’s lab results after his six months of prostate cancer treatment are excellent. The treatment, which was increasingly hard on him, worked. He should be back to normal, full strength in four to six months. He wasn’t even worried; he assumed the report would be fine. I’m relieved.







THE SINGING: After I wrote last time about seeking a new passionate interest and daringly posted a video of me singing, I got quite a lot of advice coming in, including: consider piano. One friend told me about a two-Saturday free singing class at the beautiful nearby park Shakori Hills. A few days before the first, this past weekend, I got the email saying be prepared with a song to sing solo a cappella with no lyrics in hand. Heart sank, eyes rolled. And anyway, did I have time to be doing this?

But I went and sang and it was a wonderful experience:  We nine people in the class–“Sing Fearlessly and Love Your Voice” led by Marie Vanderbeck–all sang our solos several times each and got feedback. Amazingly everybody seemed comfortable, including me. There were folks there with no musical background at all and a couple of performers.  Every single person sang better after a few tries.

I left there on a high. I’m going again this Saturday and here’s video of the the song I’m going to sing. I changed the words a bit to better fit me. Remember: it’s not that the bear dances well, it’s that the bear is having a good time.




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  • kenju
    November 18, 2021 at 3:11 pm Reply

    WOW….you CAN sing! Brave of you to join that class! Brava!
    Good news for Bob and I know you are relieved.
    Good news on the new book – let us know when it comes out, as it sounds good!

    We’re getting along okay (physically, at least) and I just found out I have to have cataract surgery soon. Jim does too – but his signs of glaucoma are more concerning at the moment.

    • Peggy Payne
      November 18, 2021 at 3:21 pm Reply

      Thank you, kenju! Good luck with the cataract surgery and especially the glaucoma worries for Jim. I hope that worry goes away quickly.

  • November 18, 2021 at 3:12 pm Reply

    Peggy, how wonderful about your book (can’t wait to read!!), Bob, and your singing. I’m happy for all of these things even as I understand the feeling of being an air traffic controller and feeling the stress of that responsibility. My brain works that way too and sometimes I just want to turn it off. There are things that effectively do it (horses, writing, gardening, beekeeping) but I can’t do any of those things 24 hours a day so there is always plenty of time directing all the airplanes. LOL. Here’s to some peace of mind and time to enjoy all your good news. 🙂

    • Peggy Payne
      November 18, 2021 at 3:24 pm Reply

      And you’ve dealt with children the whole way too, Billie. I can’t even imagine it. I guess there are people who are at ease directing lots of airplanes, but I’m still working on developing that. By the time I’m 110, maybe… Thanks for your good wishes. Peace of mind to you too!

  • Linda Franklin
    November 18, 2021 at 4:13 pm Reply

    Congratulations to you and Bob!! I’m so happy for you both. On singing: that was wonderful! And a difficult song in my opinion. Stick with the singing and bring that program to Wrightsville! I’m seriously envious of that opportunity.

    • Peggy Payne
      November 18, 2021 at 4:47 pm Reply

      Linda, thanks for your good wishes. And there may well be a program like this where you are. I took a similar course many years ago at Duke continuing ed.

  • Robert Braxton
    November 18, 2021 at 7:01 pm Reply

    My voice recorded on an audio CD a decade or two ago, spouse enjoys playing – I am not (probably never will be) comfortable with hearing my own voice – recorded. Never was.

    • Peggy Payne
      November 18, 2021 at 9:19 pm Reply

      Try videotaping yourself, Bob. Suddenly audio recording will feel a little less daunting.

  • Anonymous
    November 18, 2021 at 8:35 pm Reply

    You sing great! Congratulations on the new book and good lab results!!

    • Peggy Payne
      November 18, 2021 at 9:18 pm Reply

      Thank you, Anonymous! You are kind.

  • Lee Grohse
    November 19, 2021 at 1:38 am Reply

    Good news all around! So happy for you and Bob! Enjoy the holiday season and sing on!

    • Peggy Payne
      November 19, 2021 at 1:45 am Reply

      Yes, a huge lot of good news. Thank you and happy holidays to you, Lee!

  • Nancy Smith Marks
    November 22, 2021 at 4:00 pm Reply

    So very proud of and happy for both of you —- as always!!!! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, be very safe on those special travels, and big hugs for both of you — and your handsome brothers !!

    • Peggy Payne
      November 22, 2021 at 5:45 pm Reply

      Thanks and love, Nancy!

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