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Emails to my Therapist

Wanting Sex Again

It could require some courage — a deep breath at least –to show up in public at a store and take a seat at a reading for a book titled Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Your Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage.

I was there for the kickoff reading at the North Raleigh Barnes & Noble  because I was one of the critiquer/advisors for author Laurie Watson, a sex therapist who also writes a column, "Married and Still Doing It,"  for Psychology Today's online magazine.

My husband seated to my right was there because it was our "date night" and so he was keeping me company and also because he's a therapist who deals with such matters in his practice.

The woman who emphatically plunked down in the seat to my left?  A different story.

After Laurie had talked a bit and opened the floor for questions, this woman, young and African-American, jumped in with the first question.  She said she had saved her virginity for marriage and had expected her wedding night to be an amazing experience.

She had not found it so and so she had come into this store looking for helpful information in books — and then by accident had happened onto this very reading.  Her husband, she said, was wandering around looking at other stuff in the store.

Laurie Watson talked usefully and reassuringly about how the process of adjusting to each other took time, etc.

Well, I was wowed that the person beside me had the nerve to show up and ask that question and jump in with it first thing.  And I told her so afterward.  She — I have no idea what her name was — said she certainly wasn't going miss an opportunity to ask a doctor a question about the very thing she needed to know about and not even have to pay for an office visit.

A lot of people in the same situation wouldn't have dared.  I think this exceptionally gutsy young question-asker will get what she wants, will have lots of amazing experiences of all sorts.  How could she not? 

(Especially if she reads Laurie Watson's book, which BTW is very good.)

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Categories: enhancing creativity


  • January 4, 2013 at 8:24 am Reply

    You are the second person I know who has mentioned this book. I may check it out. 

    • January 4, 2013 at 10:00 am Reply

      It’s very well done and seems to be doing quite well too, which is a good sign.

  • January 5, 2013 at 6:10 am Reply

    As a man (NOT an expert), the issue isn't "again," but rather STILL.  I know quite a few guys, age 60+, who wish their partners wanted sex again.   Is this yet another example of the Mars/Venus dichotomy?

    • January 5, 2013 at 11:28 am Reply

      There’s a lot in this book on specific ways to narrow the gap. Good thoughts on timing, for example.

  • aiki
    January 5, 2013 at 4:46 pm Reply

    I went to this book talk — the author did a lively job of overviewing a subject many people wouldn't eagerly query about in public.  The first questioner was indeed bold, and helped break the ice for, still hesitant and roundabout inquiries from a mixed audience of friends of the author and mostly-quietly interested mid-lifers.  I found the discussion stimulating, asked no questions, and was glad for the wider availability of good public health information about sex.  Aiki

    • January 6, 2013 at 9:59 am Reply

      Excellent thorough review of the evening, Aiki. I guess that’s to say: I agree.

  • January 6, 2013 at 9:24 am Reply

    I am often impressed at the verve and power of young people these days.  So many of them are strong and highly motivated.  It gives me hope for the future!

    The book sounds very interesting too!  Will have to check it out!

    • January 6, 2013 at 9:58 am Reply

      Beth, you’re a young person yourself!

  • January 12, 2013 at 2:35 pm Reply

    Love this Peggy and glad to know about this book. Also thanks for the reminder that sometimes the first step in getting what we want is asking for it.

    • January 12, 2013 at 7:58 pm Reply

      And I think that first step is often the hardest part.

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