Slide background

Cobalt Blue: A Novel

A novel for courageous readers and seekers, COBALT BLUE is a turbulent, gorgeous ride into sacred sex..

Order Now

Emails to my Therapist

The Vile Test Prep Liquid That Is Ruining My Life at the Moment

Dear Nicholas, I am a total wimp about bad smells and bad tastes and right now I’m trying to drink 32 ounces of vile medical test prep liquid that is making me miserable beyond all reason. I hate this.

I’m having a terrible time getting the vile liquid down. And I’m running behind on the vile liquid intake schedule.

People over 75 don’t have to have this test and I am unfortunately only 72, so I’m making myself do it. Or trying to. One last time in my life.

A Character Issue as Well

Having such a hard time is also making me feel lacking in steel spine.

But if I try to chug the stuff, I’m at risk of a spectacular bout of nausea that will undo all that I’ve already “invested.” That will mean all the previous hours of suffering mean nothing.

I’m angry that I feel forced to do this. But discovering later on that I have advanced colon cancer would be worse. So I keep telling myself.

Also, I can’t wimp out. It’s not allowed.

I wish this whole exam could be done with exploratory surgery. Just knock me out! That would be so much easier.

A bit of physical pain is a lot easier than this.

Miserably oversharing,


Follow This Blog


Categories: Uncategorized

Tags: , , ,


  • Christina Askounis
    May 19, 2021 at 4:22 am Reply

    I asked for an anti-nausea drug when I was about as far into the process as you were at the time of writing. I then threw up *everything* anyway. I simply can’t drink that much liquid of any description in such a short period of time, let alone artificially-sweetened Gatorade, which I would never go near otherwise. Then, of course, I got a poor grade on my prep and had to face the “tut-tuts” from nurses and doctor–as if I had any control over the way my body responds to such an insult! Anyway, I sympathize! Hope you manage to keep it down and all goes well–or should I simply say “hope it all goes”? Hang in there.

    • Peggy Payne
      May 19, 2021 at 1:15 pm Reply

      Thank you, Christina. Now in waiting room. That’s progress, I guess.

      • Peggy Vonderfecht
        May 19, 2021 at 1:56 pm Reply

        I have also learned to ask for anti nausea medication. It should be offered to everyone when you are at your doctor visit arranging for the prep. This should be part of the prep! Good luck on your procedure.

        • Peggy Payne
          May 19, 2021 at 5:21 pm Reply

          Thanks, Peggy. Got through it and it went well.

  • Robert Braxton
    May 19, 2021 at 1:12 pm Reply

    I was born 1944. After two or three appropriately spaced dianostic procedures (shall remain unnamed!) which I watched on the (closed-circuit) TV, my medical powers that be allowed me to take the route of “Cologuard” which turns out to be a test of my genes to detect the presence (or not, in my case) of a pertinent gene. I have already survived to age 76, which is almost four years beyond the years of my father – however a decade or two short of his father!

    • Peggy Payne
      May 19, 2021 at 1:16 pm Reply

      Sounds like a better route, Bob.

  • Anonymous
    May 19, 2021 at 3:48 pm Reply

    Dave Barry did a hysterical piece on this years ago. See if you can find it. It’s funny enough to make you less miserable…at least for a second.

    • Peggy Payne
      May 19, 2021 at 5:21 pm Reply

      Thanks, Anon. I’ll find this.

    • Peggy Payne
      May 20, 2021 at 12:13 am Reply

      I read it. Very funny! Thanks

  • Nicholas
    May 19, 2021 at 5:15 pm Reply

    Are you getting tested because of symptoms or just routine?

    • Peggy Payne
      May 19, 2021 at 5:20 pm Reply

      Just routine, Nicholas.

  • Judy Carrino
    May 19, 2021 at 7:45 pm Reply

    I’m 80 now, and very happy to be able to pass on another colonoscopy. Vile, indeed! Perhaps a Cologuard is preferable…..but I do know that having colon cancer is a horrible experience. A very good friend of mine died from it and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.
    I’m glad you had the test, and I hope the results are negative!!

    • Peggy Payne
      May 20, 2021 at 12:01 am Reply

      Results negative, Judy. And I’m sorry about your friend!

  • May 19, 2021 at 8:36 pm Reply

    I’m glad it’s all over now and you got through it. So now you have the luxury of time to focus on other things, good things: good memories, good food, exercise, successes, projects, contact with friends and family, walking outside on a beautiful Spring day, art and music you’ve loved/remember, your dogs, livin’ in the country, ….

    • Peggy Payne
      May 19, 2021 at 11:59 pm Reply

      Yep, almost back in action. Good reminders.

  • May 20, 2021 at 9:34 pm Reply

    I also am 72 and refuse another colonoscopy. I had one at 50 and swore I would not put my body through that pre-procedure trauma again. There is no colon cancer in my family. I do the ColoGuard test and come through clean. If I do not come through clean with ColoGuard, I’ll take the next step. Till then, I do no feel like a wimp and I do not live in fear of a dreadful death from colon cancer. Rather, I feel empowered by my decision. I am not putting my head in the sand. I am standing up for myself and choosing a much less invasive and risky procedure. I’ve heard of colonoscopies that have gone dreadfully wrong. I’ve not heard of a torn colon–and worse–from ColoGuard.

    • Peggy Payne
      May 20, 2021 at 9:52 pm Reply

      You inspire me, Pat. I’m supposed to go back in five years and I may well rethink that. Especially if the prep method doesn’t radically change between now and then. Thanks.

  • Anonymous
    May 21, 2021 at 2:56 pm Reply

    Thanks for your understanding response, Peggy. You reminded me of another thought I’ve had for the passed 22 years: if the prep method changes to something less disruptive to my whole body, I’ll reconsider the procedure. Looks like nothing has changed. Also a suggestion: find out how often your insurance will cover the ColoGuard test. If it’s every 2 years, go that route to assure your docs that you are keeping up and being a good patient.

    • Peggy Payne
      May 25, 2021 at 4:36 pm Reply

      I’m amazed that the method hasn’t changed in all these years, Anon. I want some pharmaceutical company to make it a priority. Also, thanks for the insurance advice.

Leave a Comment


Follow This Blog