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Cobalt Blue: A Novel

A novel for courageous readers and seekers, COBALT BLUE is a turbulent, gorgeous ride into sacred sex..

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Emails to my Therapist

The Source of Sexual Energy

I keep an eye out for what’s new in the world on the subject of kundalini. As you may know, my novel Cobalt Blue focuses on the creative and at the same time disruptive power of this life force, by the Sanskrit name of kundalini, rising to flood level in an unsuspecting woman.

Now I find another novel is about to come out on the topic: Natalie: A Kundalini Love Story by Paul Lyons. There are only a handful of novels that deal with the subject. Like Cobalt Blue, this one is a story of erotic obsession.

I was primarily interested in how this author presents the tantric concept of life energy. Here are a few snippets:

Kundalini is sexual energy, and something more: the transcendental source of sexual energy…..

According to the Tantric texts quoted in The Serpent Power, it’s when Kundalini enters the spinal channel, the susumna, that Her transcendental nature takes over from her physical nature, because the spinal channel is more than something physical — it is “subtle as a spider’s thread, pierces all the lotuses that are within the backbone, and is pure intelligence.” ….

My spine ached in the current of stinging brightness. Pinpoints of light staticked behind my eyes. The heat in the room was up way too high. My head was a hot blur….

Something triggers Kundalini; something subtle but also vast; something without characteristics yet potent … the stasis (outside creation) of the desire from which creation springs; the intelligence, in a universe made of intelligence, that pre-exists everything; the stillness at the heart of the sexual act. …

All words till it happens, but it can happen anytime, anywhere: on a frozen sidewalk, in a dysfunctional act of love — it can begin in any state of mind or body no matter how fucked-up it may be.

Cobalt Blue is based on that last sentence. The first is newer to me: the source of sexual energy. That idea is almost as large as: why we are here and what it all means. Where does sexual energy come from? I just now googled the question and got no satisfactory answer. I then asked my psychologist husband sitting over at the kitchen table reading the newspaper: Where does sexual energy come from?

“From being alive,” he said.

Not everyone buys (or has even heard of) the idea of kundalini, a reservoir of energy at the base of the spine that can rise through the chakras to the crown, leading to higher consciousness, enlightenment. My own belief is at the level of a persistent feeling that: there’s something to this… they’re onto something here….

But whatever we make of this concept, I find intriguing the question — a koan, or Zen riddle, almost — of what it is in each of us that lies waiting for the stimulus that then triggers desire. There’s something that precedes the reaction to the sexy image or touch. What is it? I feel as if I’m struggling to swim through clouds as I formulate the question.

I welcome thoughts from evolutionary biologists, tantrics, skeptics, believers….

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  • Chris Forsyth
    September 1, 2015 at 3:32 pm Reply

    Hi Peggy,
    I recommend you read Peggy Bendet’s memoir, Learning to eat along the way. Recently released.

    • Peggy Payne
      September 1, 2015 at 3:59 pm Reply

      You are an excellent source of information and perspective, Chris. Thanks!

  • September 1, 2015 at 6:05 pm Reply

    It is the source of sexuality, though that’s a sliver of what it brings. Kundalini is life force that can be expressed one of infinite ways. Sexuality is one outlet. I wouldn’t blanket paint it as sexual energy.

    • Peggy Payne
      September 1, 2015 at 6:36 pm Reply

      I don’t think the author was saying that that’s the only purpose of kundalini, Kelley, but you’re certainly right that there’s more to the life force than sex.

  • September 1, 2015 at 6:49 pm Reply

    I agree with Kelley – there is much more to it. I wish I knew what triggers it in me. Maybe someday, I’ll figure it out.

    • Peggy Payne
      September 1, 2015 at 7:00 pm Reply

      And I agree with you and Kelley, kenju.

    • September 6, 2015 at 3:48 pm Reply

      Info on triggers and effects, real and imagined, and how to tell the difference, can be found in the links below:

      There is no one size-fits-all trigger for arousing Kundalini and no guarantee that a given trigger will actually work in a specific case…so if you’re looking for one, you may not find it in books, conversations, or retreats. It just may up and hit you when you least expect it…or not. However, once your experience is triggered, accept it as a gift — the ultimate experiment taking place in the laboratory of your own body.

      And while we’re at it, the triggers I refer to (in the above links) are really only different kinds of detonators. The actual cause (the explosive charge to be detonated) is a quantity of stored-up, distilled sexual energy preternaturally available at the moment the detonator engages.

      No matter the detonator — be it drugs, meditation, or even sexual rapture — each detonation causes a release of sexual energy. The initiate may not feel sexual activity during the release — Kundalini works at a deep neurological level, — but the sensations/effects/symptoms the individual does feel when Kundalini activates are related to the release and upward climb of sexual energy to the brain. For example, you may feel tired, enthralled, frightened, or depressed without any erotic undercurrents. Nevertheless, sexual energy is present. The reason you may not feel sexually aroused is because the energy Kundalini releases to the brain initiates a rewiring of neural and cerebral circuits, which once fired, can cause behavioral irregularities, up to and including bliss, psychosis, and depression. If the initiate realizes what he/she is undergoing is benign, any aberrant mental and psychic states can be stabilized by accepting Kundalini, not fighting it. So be patient. Let the rewiring and the restorative work begin.

      • Peggy Payne
        September 6, 2015 at 6:58 pm Reply

        Your info on this topic is always so clear and straight-forward. Always a welcome contribution, author JJ Semple.

  • Renee
    September 2, 2015 at 12:58 am Reply

    IMHO I believe the process is akin to a tornado, where all the ingredients must come together a certain way to release this energy. There is bad sex, so-so sex, good sex and then there is phenomenal sex. Things do change as one ages but then that shouldn’t stop or discourage anyone to keep trying. And Peggy, you are a mighty brave woman to broach this subject so kudos to you, ma’am.

    • Peggy Payne
      September 2, 2015 at 1:19 am Reply

      Thanks for the tornado comparison and the kudos, Renee.

  • Bob Braton
    September 2, 2015 at 2:23 pm Reply


    • Peggy Payne
      September 2, 2015 at 2:32 pm Reply

      Definitely a part of the process…

  • David Biltmore
    September 6, 2015 at 3:28 am Reply

    For sometime now, if not forever, human lives are marked by the onset of self-consciousness… Adulthood may be seen as a gradual process of moving back towards a lessening of inhibitions in every sense…. There are other avenues of seeking ecstasy than through sexuality, but in a fairly materialistic world it is the most likely forum for letting go and getting out of the way of the Flow of The Life Force…. Being naked, but possibly clothed by darkness and by mutual agreement trying to find release seems to be one of the most likely forums for The Life Force to have it’s way with us…. 🙂

    • Peggy Payne
      September 6, 2015 at 6:52 pm Reply

      I love the idea — entirely new to me — of adulthood as a process of lessening inhibitions. Thanks, David Biltmore.

  • paul lyons
    September 6, 2015 at 3:37 pm Reply

    I think that kundalini is overwhelming and tornado-like because it takes one back to the source of “being alive”, and this source is something greater than “being alive”, i.e. transcendent, and always involves some form of dying to self. This is why the trigger is so mysterious and can occur under degrading and obsessive circumstances as much as under benificent and spiritual ones. I agree absolutely with Renee’s idea of a confluence of circumstances, and this is what I depict in my book.

    • Peggy Payne
      September 6, 2015 at 6:55 pm Reply

      Thanks, author Paul Lyons. I once mentioned to a Baptist minister a transcendent-feeling moment I’d had that followed something rather awful and he said that’s called grace.

  • Eric
    September 14, 2015 at 11:54 pm Reply

    Hi Peggy,

    My wife and I both have very active , integrated kundalini. She practices annutarra yoga Tantra, or vajrayana Buddhism.. We do meditation and energy yoga every day. We both are very accomplished professionally but hope to generate abundance creatively and have several different writing projects underway. It might be helpful explore them with you. So glad to learn you are writing fiction about the intersections of sex and spirituality.


    • Peggy Payne
      September 16, 2015 at 9:59 pm Reply

      Thanks for making contact, Eric. I think likely that your writing projects with your wife are very interesting, given your backgrounds. I do work with other writers, giving feedback, etc. For more info about this, please have a look at my webpage. Thanks for your interest.

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