Blog
February 16, 2026
Dear Nicholas, My first 76 years of life were decidedly free-wheeling. For one thing, I’ve been self-employed since 1972, setting my own schedules. For years, much of my work was far-flung travel writing. Moreover, I’ve never had responsibility for a child. Domesticity has never been my thing. It has come as a surprise to me […]
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December 14, 2025
Dear Nicholas, There’s a special kind of pain in watching someone you love hurt. Likely all of us have had this experience. And there is no painkiller that touches the one watching their loved one in pain. If it’s prolonged and repeated, there comes a fierce tensing up in reaction, as if to defend him, […]
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September 18, 2025
Dear Nicholas, It’s not as if Bob and I are under fire in Gaza or Ukraine, but our week of household problems has been impressive. And sometimes non-life-and-death things, the household catastrophe, can really rattle a person. The title of this note could be: The Night The Waterbed Burst. I got up in the wee […]
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July 13, 2025
Dear Nicholas, I’ve learned that sadness and loss can make a person temporarily “stupid.” Not just for hours but for much longer. I thought I was the only one and that I was being weird to react this way. This time I have discovered that “stupid” happens to lots of people who are mourning. I’ve […]
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June 23, 2025
Dear Nicholas, Some years ago when I was attempting to “get a grip,” I wrote down in a little blue notebook random bits of wisdom on how to live better. I carried it with me in my pocketbook. Some days I’d open the notebook at any page and let what I’d copied there influence that […]
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June 3, 2025
Dear Nicholas, In the midst of getting Husband Bob out of rehab and settled in at home for 24/7 care, I overheard my older stepson say of me, “She’s so strong it’s creepy.” Do I take this as a compliment, a criticism, a misunderstanding? How Could Anyone Think That? I’m not Iron Woman. I know […]
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May 12, 2025
Dear Nicholas, A voice from some hidden place inside me keeps calling, “mama mama!”, the way severely wounded soldiers sometimes do. The voice keeps speaking up in spite of the fact that I’m feeling fine. The words come out of me aloud and only when I’m alone. The other cry for help I’m sometimes surprised […]
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April 28, 2025
Dear Nicholas, I’ve given up on being completely sensible, realistic, no-nonsense (I never made a lot of effort in that direction.) I’ve realized that some outright delusions are good for my happiness and mental health. I think of these ideas as optimism, which works for matters large and small. I realized one morning recently when […]
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February 24, 2025
Dear Nicholas, Husband Bob (age 83) and I (age 76) are both deeply sad at the loss of our dog Carlo, more affected than I can remember us being at other such losses. Is it our age? Is it harder to lose a pet when you’re old and so much more aware of mortality? Or […]
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February 2, 2025
Dear Nicholas, When Husband Bob was scheduled to leave rehab just before Christmas, I thought it meant that his health–mobility mainly–was greatly improved. Not so. The physical therapist said he’d need 24/7 care at home for a while. Turns out people are sent home when they have gone a few days, as Bob had done, […]
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 24/7 care at home, 24/7 schedule, care-giving activities, Eiizabeth Gilbert, family caregivers, left rehab, risk of falling, Signature of All Things, taking care of someone, turned out of rehab, use the stairs
Comments
So proud of you and Bob!!
What a great team!!!!
Thanks, Tam! It’s definitely teamwork.
Blessings on you both. You’re doing great, says someone who’s been there. A sacred time, even though difficult. Love you.
Yes, sacred and difficult, Brent. Full of tenderness and deep connection. Love and blessings to you.
♥️
I wouldn’t wish caregiving on anyone, Peggy! Having done it for 5+ years. But you seem to be settling into it very well….its good to know it’s not forever. Bob, you’re a lucky man, as I’m sure you know! My best to both of you for continued healing and many mor3 years together!
Five years is such a long time, Judy, as you well know. We’ll see how I do if this stretches out a lot longer than expected (or hoped for.) Thanks for your good wishes.
Thanks for sharing, Peggy. Your words and experiences are encouraging to me, even though I am not in your position. You enable me to apply your common sense, one-day-at-a-time attitude, and faith to my own challenges. Again, thanks.
Thank you, Pat! One satisfying thing for me about this time is feeling useful.
Anticipation, both for the good or the not good, is always worse than the things anticipated it seems.
Agreed, Goody. I tell myself that a difficult experience teaches me what I need to know to deal with that experience.
Peggy, first my best to Bob for healing. As a full time caregiver for my 97 yr old husband, I know the fear and uncertainty you face. After a one week stay in hosp in December due to rare reaction to a drug, he was sent home from Duke with Home Health Care. It has been miraculous the progress he has made but the caregiving is intense and tired is my current. But as Glennon Doyle says, we can do hard things. We can and we do. Peace and blessings as you travel this road, Peggy.
I’m glad the home health care has been so successful, Gail. And your husband sure sounds like a resilient guy. Miracles don’t always show up at 97. We have some of those folks coming too after a stay of Bob’s at Duke, though I haven’t yet seen miraculous results.Bob and I thank you for your good wishes.
Three days of rehab? I don’t know the specifics of your situation but three days sounds just plain wrong. I’m sure your husband is much happier getting his new therapy at home and so glad you both are doing well. I cared for my Mom for 5 years and my siblings did for years before that. Mom was in rehab numerous times but never had just 3 days of rehab. We did experience several times that hospitals tried to discharge her way to early, which we fought and won every time. Just would like to encourage folks in similar situations to thoroughly explore the options. Don’t assume that the facility is doing the right thing for the patient, or the home caregiver.
Three days would indeed be weird. He was in rehab a month. I agree that the patient really does need an advocate. Bob was once sent home from the ER after 10 hours and I vigorously objected. I didn’t win that round, but nothing bad happened so it was okay. You and your sibs are truly veteran caregivers. I don’t know how well I’d handle 5 years. Not well, I fear.
Peggy, you folks have been on my mind alot. It’s alot I know. Please tell Bob to call me when he feels ready for me to come over with lunch for us all ….keeping up the tradition
Wonderful, Bryce! Will do. Thank you.