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Cobalt Blue: A Novel

A novel for courageous readers and seekers, COBALT BLUE is a turbulent, gorgeous ride into sacred sex..

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facing aging

17 and 71: Facing Aging, Aging Face

January 13, 2021
Note: This was far too self-absorbed to post as planned last week amidst the shock and national distress of  insurrection. Probably still is. Here it is, anyway. Ordinary highs and lows do go on for all of us even in these times. Dear Nicholas, As my brothers and I were packing up our mother’s house, […] Read More

I Want to Be Clear…Sort Of

January 2, 2021
Dear Nicholas, I regularly have trouble getting my point across to people on the first try. This results in my having to write far too many drafts of my books. And in conversation, people will seize on some minor detail of what I’m saying as important and miss the point altogether. Or there’s some other […] Read More

Celebrating with Idleness

December 22, 2020
Dear Nicholas, With all plans scrambled by Covid,  I forgot to take a vacation this year and instead have worked, steadily, barely pausing to look up, from my laptop on my sofa. On the late afternoon of December 10, I ran out of gas and came to a halt. I’m still halted, seven business days […] Read More

A Mood Booster I’d Forgotten: The Immortal IZ

December 7, 2020
Dear Nicholas, The three-and-a-half minute video below has already been heard/watched 993  million times. A while back I had played it a few times myself. By chance (or algorithm) I ran across it again yesterday while checking out the new Saturday Night Live skits on Youtube. What a mood-booster to view again! I’m so pleased […] Read More

A Surprise Gratitude Upwelling

November 27, 2020
Dear Nicholas, I didn’t expect this Thanksgiving to be exceptional except for the smallness of the crowd (just Bob and me). But the traditional meal we threw together produced in me some surprise gratitude. Not just a review of the list of loved ones, an overview of everything good, but a sharp upwelling of feeling. […] Read More

When a Loved One Is Suffering

November 16, 2020
Dear Nicholas, I’m losing a very dear friend to a terrible disease. Her story is not mine to tell and so I guard her privacy, but need to say: this is hard. Right now it’s not loss that’s worst; it’s knowing that a loved one is suffering. There is nothing at all that I can […] Read More

Pink Cloud of the Divine?

October 20, 2020
  Dear Nicholas, I was lying on the floor staring out the hall window– the spot where we get the best phone reception– involved in conversation about a friend who is seriously ill. While I watched, a pink cloud filled half the window frame, covering a huge expanse of sky. Pink light? I moved around […] Read More

my rage

What to Do With My Rage?

September 19, 2020
Dear Nicholas, I’m talking about my own– my rage. Tonight when I got the news that Ruth Bader Ginsburg had died, my mind–which could have been lingering on “what a heroic woman, thank you for all you’ve done!” instead went almost instantly to elaborate imaginings of what the Supreme Court without her could do to […] Read More

Seeing Myself on Zoom

September 15, 2020
I hesitate to say this, Nicholas, even to friends, maybe especially to friends, for reasons that will surely be obvious.  But I’m going to say it here and now because for me it’s a little breakthrough that may give me a little more ease in the world. Or a lot more. Here it is: seeing […] Read More

Personality Changes from Staying Home?

September 8, 2020
Dear Nicholas, I think I’m getting to be more of an introvert. I understand this happens with age, but staying home for seven months (excepting runs to grocery, bank drive-through, etc) seems to have speeded up the process. When I moved my office plants home in early March, I felt a little silly imagining I […] Read More