Dear Nicholas, There’s a special kind of pain in watching someone you love hurt. Likely all of us have had this experience. And there is no painkiller that touches the one watching their loved one in pain. If it’s prolonged and repeated, there comes instead a fierce tensing up in reaction, as if to defend […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, It’s not as if Bob and I are under fire in Gaza or Ukraine, but our week of household problems has been impressive. And sometimes non-life-and-death things, the household catastrophe, can really rattle a person. The title of this note could be: The Night The Waterbed Burst. I got up in the wee […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, I’ve learned that sadness and loss can make a person temporarily “stupid.” Not just for hours but for much longer. I thought I was the only one and that I was being weird to react this way. This time I have discovered that “stupid”  happens to lots of people who are mourning. I’ve […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, Some years ago when I was attempting to “get a grip,” I wrote down in a little blue notebook random bits of wisdom on how to live better. I carried it with me in my pocketbook. Some days I’d open the notebook at any page and let what I’d copied there influence that […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, In the midst of getting Husband Bob out of rehab and settled in at home for 24/7 care, I overheard my older stepson say of me, “She’s so strong it’s creepy.” Do I take this as a compliment, a criticism, a misunderstanding? How Could Anyone Think That? I’m not Iron Woman. I know […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, A voice from some hidden place inside me keeps calling, “mama mama!”, the way severely wounded soldiers sometimes do. The voice keeps speaking up in spite of the fact that I’m feeling fine. The words come out of me aloud and only when I’m alone. The other cry for help I’m sometimes surprised […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, I’ve given up on being completely sensible, realistic, no-nonsense (I never made a lot of effort in that direction.) I’ve realized that some outright delusions are good for my happiness and mental health. I think of these ideas as optimism, which works for matters large and small. I realized one morning recently when […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, Husband Bob (age 83) and I (age 76) are both deeply sad at the loss of our dog Carlo, more affected than I can remember us being at other such losses. Is it our age? Is it harder to lose a pet when you’re old and so much more aware of mortality? Or […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, When Husband Bob was scheduled to leave rehab just before Christmas, I thought it meant that his health–mobility mainly–was greatly improved. Not so. The physical therapist said he’d need 24/7 care at home for a while. Turns out people are sent home when they have gone a few days, as Bob had done, […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, I have reached The Age of Others Keeling Over. People keep getting old, falling ill, some actually dying. This sort of thing has happened before, but in my earlier years it was an aberration, cases of dying too young. I saw this exit-watching process happen to my mother. She was 56 when my father […] Read More