Dear Nicholas, Some years ago when I was attempting to “get a grip,” I wrote down random bits of wisdom on how to live better in a little blue notebook. I carried it with me in my pocketbook. Some days I’d open the notebook at any page and let what I’d copied their influence that […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, In the midst of getting Husband Bob out of rehab and settled in at home for 24/7 care, I overheard my older stepson say of me, “She’s so strong it’s creepy.” Do I take this as a compliment, a criticism, a misunderstanding? How Could Anyone Think That? I’m not Iron Woman. I know […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, A voice from some hidden place inside me keeps calling, “mama mama!”, the way severely wounded soldiers sometimes do. The voice keeps speaking up in spite of the fact that I’m feeling fine. The words come out of me aloud and only when I’m alone. The other cry for help I’m sometimes surprised […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, I’ve given up on being completely sensible, realistic, no-nonsense (I never made a lot of effort in that direction.) I’ve realized that some outright delusions are good for my happiness and mental health. I think of these ideas as optimism, which works for matters large and small. I realized one morning recently when […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, Husband Bob (age 83) and I (age 76) are both deeply sad at the loss of our dog Carlo, more affected than I can remember us being at other such losses. Is it our age? Is it harder to lose a pet when you’re old and so much more aware of mortality? Or […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, When Husband Bob was scheduled to leave rehab just before Christmas, I thought it meant that his health–mobility mainly–was greatly improved. Not so. The physical therapist said he’d need 24/7 care at home for a while. Turns out people are sent home when they have gone a few days, as Bob had done, […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, I have reached The Age of Others Keeling Over. People keep getting old, falling ill, some actually dying. This sort of thing has happened before, but in my earlier years it was an aberration, cases of dying too young. I saw this exit-watching process happen to my mother. She was 56 when my father […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, It’s a different holiday season for me because I’m almost entirely focused on one thing: helping my husband get well. The usual pressures of Christmas are gone. Bob has been in and out of the hospital in recent weeks and now is working on regaining strength in rehab. I won’t burden you with […] Read More

Dear Nicholas,  Last night Bob forgot to take his blood pressure pills and I FORGOT TO REMIND HIM. Then today I may have made a drug sorting mistake.  Now I am one scared caregiver.   The Challenging Situation In the last two years, Bob has had some little strokes and it’s very very important that […] Read More

Dear Nicholas, Three words of advice from you about twenty-five years ago popped into my head one night last week. And they were just what I needed to hear: “Let him grieve.” The Loss Husband Bob has been dealing lately with both being retired from work he loved for 55+ years and with the limits […] Read More