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Emails to my Therapist

Riding with the Brake On: The Habit of Hesitation

On almost any day, I can feel the pressure of the parking brake dragging on my soul when I have my first look at my email inbox.  Then the decision-making process begins.  Which item will be easiest to take care of? Which will be quickest?  Which will be juicy and interesting? Which should I stare at half a dozen times before taking any action?

Perhaps you've had a similar experience.  I notice it also crops up with to-do lists.  I often wait until later in the day to tackle the trickier matters, because by then I'll be a better person and have a wealth of time and wisdom.

(writing interrupted by falling asleep at the computer)

So, what is it about The Thing That Needs To Be Done?

For me, probably it's that I don't like some Thing bossing me around like that.  So it can just wait.

Or as Bernard Golden puts it in a favorite book of mine: "No one is going to tell me what to do — including myself."

Also, if it needs to be done, it must be important; and I may not be up to it yet.  Four or five hours from now, I surely will be.

I always always always feel good when the Thing is done.  So, why don't I learn to jump into it first thing?  After all, this has been going on for 64 years. 

Will I be hesitating for hours at 90?  Waiting to be better equipped and more in charge?

It's not a matter of whether stuff gets done; I do it and generally the same day.  But what a waste to be so often pushing against the parking brake.

I've nattered about this here before, which didn't solve the problem.

Perhaps I'll devise a Brake Release Ceremony. 

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Categories: 2013

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