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Emails to my Therapist

Anxiety Update

Doing much better, thank you!!

In my previous post, I was having a rough few days because the medication for my mild-to-perhaps-medium case of obsessive-compulsive disorder had run out of steam, as such drugs periodically do.  I complained in detail about the rise of my old familiar symptoms, all of them hedges against largely unfelt anxiety.  A bit like the character Jill in my novel Sister India. (Sometimes I think it would be easier to be scared.)

I very much appreciate the thoughtful responses in the comments to that post.  Lots of good thoughts and personal stories.

And I now have a different drug that seems to be the right one and has kicked in fast.   Halleluia!  I feel like myself again.

Here's what I got out of (emerging from) my several down days:

*an awareness that I'd been sinking slowly without fully noticing

*a renewed gratitude for being alive

*happiness that I'm not living in premedication days when I'd have no alternative to being peculiar

*a renewed humility at seeing again that I have a problem I can't solve all by myself

*a bit of fresh zest

And the feeling that I'm glad I mentioned the whole business here: it was relieving to write it and to hear from people.

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Categories: obsessive-compulsive disorder


  • January 22, 2011 at 5:29 pm Reply

    I am so glad to know that you are feeling better, Peggy.  Thank God there are meds that can help so that we can feel "normal"  once again!

    • Peggy Payne
      January 25, 2011 at 12:55 pm Reply

      Thanks, Deb. I have a great appreciation for the pharmaceuticals industry. I’m glad I wasn’t born an instant earlier — or later for that matter.

  • January 25, 2011 at 2:20 pm Reply

    I agree, Peggy.  When I was first diagnosed with this blasted illness in my twenties, there was nothing pharmaceutically that they could give me to help me to have a quality of life.  Now, there are several different meds that help a bit.

    • Peggy Payne
      January 25, 2011 at 4:31 pm Reply

      May they continue to cook up more, Deb, so that it helps more than a bit.

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