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September 7, 2026
On a recent afternoon, busy and content, I glanced out the window and saw that the sky had darkened. I thought, “Wow, it’s about to start sobbing.” Sobbing and not raining. I wasn’t feeling like crying myself, not that I was aware of. Yet I had to wonder: Is this how I’m in touch with […]
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July 15, 2026
What killed Lindsey Graham struck my husband Bob Dick nine-and-a-half years ago. For about an hour and a half back then, I was pretty sure Bob was gone. The Night of the Explosion The ailment– aortic dissection at the ascending arch–is when the inner layer of the aorta breaks and blood starts ballooning the outer layer […]
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May 14, 2026
Dear Nicholas, I just ran across an article that describes so well the weird kind of obsessive-compulsive disorder that has troubled me since age five: moral OCD, also known as scrupulosity. It’s the daily question: did I do something wrong? Identifying it as abnormal can be an enormous relief. I think a lot of people […]
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April 6, 2026
Dear Nicholas, I’ve found a book that’s helping me do much less self-berating and maybe a little less trying-too-hard. I read a paragraph every morning and I’m on my second time through it. I’m convinced that berating yourself (myself) is the only true waste of time–and is also destructive. The title does not do it […]
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February 16, 2026
Dear Nicholas, My first 76 years of life were decidedly free-wheeling. For one thing, I’ve been self-employed since 1972, setting my own schedules. For years, much of my work was far-flung travel writing. Moreover, I’ve never had responsibility for a child. Domesticity has never been my thing. It has come as a surprise to me […]
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December 14, 2025
Dear Nicholas, There’s a special kind of pain in watching someone you love hurt. Likely all of us have had this experience. And there is no painkiller that touches the one watching their loved one in pain. If it’s prolonged and repeated, there comes a fierce tensing up in reaction, as if to defend him, […]
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September 18, 2025
Dear Nicholas, It’s not as if Bob and I are under fire in Gaza or Ukraine, but our week of household problems has been impressive. And sometimes non-life-and-death things, the household catastrophe, can really rattle a person. The title of this note could be: The Night The Waterbed Burst. I got up in the wee […]
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July 13, 2025
Dear Nicholas, I’ve learned that sadness and loss can make a person temporarily “stupid.” Not just for hours but for much longer. I thought I was the only one and that I was being weird to react this way. This time I have discovered that “stupid” happens to lots of people who are mourning. I’ve […]
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June 23, 2025
Dear Nicholas, Some years ago when I was attempting to “get a grip,” I wrote down in a little blue notebook random bits of wisdom on how to live better. I carried it with me in my pocketbook. Some days I’d open the notebook at any page and let what I’d copied there influence that […]
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June 3, 2025
Dear Nicholas, In the midst of getting Husband Bob out of rehab and settled in at home for 24/7 care, I overheard my older stepson say of me, “She’s so strong it’s creepy.” Do I take this as a compliment, a criticism, a misunderstanding? How Could Anyone Think That? I’m not Iron Woman. I know […]
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: .out of rehab, at home for 24/7 care, creepy, emotions fatigue fears frustration, everything is psychological, fake stroke, GI tract, normal 75 year old brain. psychosomatic, seem relatively calm, slow to show emotion, stomach bug, sympathy pains, usual level of energy
Comments
Thank you for sharing how it is going with you. It makes me feel not so abnormal in my aging journey.
Comparing notes does help us all, Nancy. I remember my writing group having a talk at length some years ago about our growing forgetfulness. It was hilarious. And it would not have been funny if we weren’t all reporting our charming lapses.
There’s nothing the slightest bit creepy about you, dear Peggy! But you ARE strong, which doesn’t mean you have to do all of it all of the time (to paraphrase Mr. Lincoln). It occurs to me there’s no reason I can’t come over & be on call if Bob should need anything, and you could take the afternoon off to do whatever you want or need to do. We’ll talk!
Many thanks, Christina. I’m picturing a T-shirt that says Strong But Not Creepily So.
Well you are string and always focused!!!
And you have always been one of my guiding lights!! Thank You!!!
Tam, I am honored. Thank YOU!
Peggy, many of us esp. women are so strong it’s creepy. We’ve been trained to respond in times of crisis as the steadfast ones. When my husband fell and hit his forehead and proceeded to bleed like a fountain(.blood thinners) I called 911, handed him something to press on the wound, put him on his back and went for a bathmat to put where the blood was pooled so the EMS folks wouldn’t be stepping in blood. All the while pulse rate sky high and nearly fainting at the sight of so much blood.
We do what we have to do.
Hope the tum is better soon. I think we’re all amazing.
Yes, we’re all amazing. I love that, Gail! And you certainly took good care of your husband.
Ah Peggy: Sending so much love and good wishes. Amey
I thank you, Amey!
Thinking of you, Peggy. Caretaking is hard stuff. ❤️
Thanks, Mamie! It is hard stuff and seems like quite a lot of us are doing a bit of it these days. I hope things are good with you and all your folks.
Very strong and decidedly non-creepy. I’m with Bob on this stomach thing likely being a bug. But hey, if you did experience some stress related physical symptoms, given the level of objective life stresses of the last few years, it sure wouldn’t mean you were handling your emotions poorly or committing some other psychological shortcoming. You are your body, as well as your mind and heart. You do seem to me a person who is by nature and practice strong of mind and body. And you deserve kindness and leniency of judgement when your body is assailed by either virus or stress. Hope you feel better real soon.
Thank you, Lee. You are so encouraging. I’m also leaning toward the bug explanation now. Madame Google helped me with that. I’m working on the leniency of self-judgment…quite a challenge there.
Dearest Peggy, sorry to hear of your illness. Whether it’s viral or psychosomatic, I hope you get well soon. That photo of you does show a person in some turmoil, so you have my sympathy.
My wife and I are going through some stuff too. The third day after we returned home from a month in southern Europe, she tripped on her rollator, fell, and broke her left elbow badly. That was 7 weeks and a day ago (on our 59th wedding anniversary!). She underwent an 8-hour surgical procedure two weeks later to piece her bones back together. I of course was tasked to help her in many things, from heating her heating pad to helping her dress & undress, and to take on clothes-washing and meal-preparation chores beyond my usual remit. Thank goodness she’s firmly on the mend, with in-home occupational and physical therapy behind her and now the same out-of-home.
Oh, one more thing: About 6 weeks before we left for Europe, I learned via brain MRI that I have another “benign” tumor (the first one was discovered and excised 29 years ago). A follow-up MRI a month ago showed no growth in the tumor, which is about the size of a walnut and located in my right medulla near my brain stem and a major artery. So, for now, I keep on keeping on.
I hope that you or some of your other readers can suggest candidates for what my T-shirt might say.
That T-shirt is a challenge, Moristotle, especially given all you’re going through. Makes my caregiving routine look so easy. I wish you both good health.
My original message didn’t post, apparently. You know, I am well acquainted with caretaking. I am also too well acquainted with intestinal tract problems, and when I had mine, it was due to a lousy gallbladder. I hope that’s not your situation, although it is an easy fix. But then you’d require a caretaker too. Here’s hoping for a speedy recovery for both you and Bob.
You know a great deal about caregiving, Kenju. And I’ve discovered that if I were to get seriously sick at this point, we’d need a fair amount of help. So I just won’t do that.
Hugs to you.
Many thanks, Anon!
I hope your GI symptoms resolve soon for you and that the cause and solution is not scary. I have the same symptoms, I need to take anti inflamatory stuff for my arthritis and it tears my stomach up. Immodium is my friend. Mama said this getting old thing wasn’t for sissies. Contact me by email if you want.
Thinking about y’all a lot.
Sending sympathy your way, Bob. I wouldn’t like to have to deal with this stuff all the time. I seem to be getting better.
Sometimes we need a break and the body stops us for awhile. I am sure you are ready to be up again. GI stuff so wearing. Thinking strong is a sometimes thing for us all. Sending good Qi to you both
We both thank you for the good Qi, Lauren. And thanks for popping up here. I do feel better now.
Turns out bacteria were involved.