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Cobalt Blue: A Novel

A novel for courageous readers and seekers, COBALT BLUE is a turbulent, gorgeous ride into sacred sex..

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being particular, trends

Old-Fashioned? Or Just Being Particular

July 31, 2019
Nicholas, Doing some window-shopping today, I suddenly realized how many new and not-so-new trends I don’t take part in. I started making a list and I’m shocked. Am I old-fashioned or simply being particular? Not that I begrudge others the pleasure, but there’s a lot of very popular stuff I don’t do, including: *blue or […] Read More

have you fallen in the last three months

Have You Fallen in the Last Three Months?

July 15, 2019
Dear Nicholas, I fell. I’m refusing to think of this as an “old person thing,” though I do know that physicians like to ask their more mature patients, “Have you fallen in the last three months?” as if that were significant information. Gardening in the Dark I was out doing some late-night watering and inexplicably […] Read More

determined to live, life raft

Was It Something I Said? The Flip Side of “Said the Wrong Thing” Worries

June 23, 2019
Dear Nicholas, A man I talked with on a bus in 1970 emailed to tell me that something I said on that ride kept him alive in a life raft decades later in brutal cold 400 miles east of Gander, Newfoundland.  You can imagine how flattered and stunned I was. One of my most troubling obsessions […] Read More

What my psychotherapist wrote about me

What My Psychotherapist Wrote About Me

June 10, 2019
  Dear Nicholas, Thanks for the sneak peek at my whole adult life. It was a rare and enlightening opportunity–turning through the notes you made in our sessions from when I was twenty-four to when I hit sixty-four. “What my psychotherapist wrote about me” is not something I ever expected to read. Reading these notes was […] Read More

krakow step-gran

My Brand-New First Step-Grandbaby– in Krakow

May 23, 2019
Dear Nicholas, We went to visit the wee lass, my newborn step-grandbaby, in her hometown of Krakow, Poland. Now I have a very extended family and a faraway baby to visit on Skype. The arrival of Annabella has widened the reach of my roots in the world in a way I hadn’t expected. We don’t all […] Read More

The Small Ordeal of a Messy Illness

May 20, 2019
Dear Nicholas, I rode on a plane. Came home and got sick. I feel awful. I’ve caught a nasty airplane bug, I’m guessing. And I am freshly awed by the power of a wee microbe, making a short visit, to bring body and spirit to their knees. It doesn’t take a monster illness to briefly […] Read More

busy all the time

Busy Busy All The Time? I’m Reconsidering This Situation

May 1, 2019
Dear Nicholas, I don’t want to say I’m slowing down. I don’t like the sound of that. But I may be on the edge of something  similar–no more overscheduling is one way to think of it. Or: allowing more time for things. Busy all the time is not the way I want to be. It’s […] Read More

Refreshing Spring

April 15, 2019
Nicholas, it’s spring! the year’s true fresh start! renewal, resurrection, release–and lovely mud. And I so love playing in my yard, weeding and “breeding lilacs out of the dead land.” T.S. Eliot said it better than anyone, though the land is never dead really, just waiting to burst forth again. A Leaf Garden? In my woodland […] Read More

indecisiveness starts getting crazy

When Indecision Starts Getting Crazy

March 26, 2019
Dear Nicholas, My step-grandbaby is a few days old, living in Krakow, Poland. My search for flights to go visit is sliding into pathological. I’m not exaggerating.  I’m trying to figure out a reasonably-priced reasonably-doable way for her granddaddy and me to go meet her. Arranging a wonderful trip should not put me into the tailspin […] Read More

angry sad

Angry Sad?

March 11, 2019
Dear Nicholas, I’m in a state of mind that’s new to me: angry and sad at the same time. Angry sad! I don’t like it. The triggers seem to be: mortality and the fact that I’m  now taking 25 mg less of my mental health OCD medication, which perhaps makes mortality harder to deal with. […] Read More