“She’s So Strong It’s Creepy”
Dear Nicholas, In the midst of getting Husband Bob out of rehab and settled in at home for 24/7 care, I overheard my older stepson say of me, “She’s so strong it’s creepy.” Do I take this as a compliment, a criticism, a misunderstanding?
How Could Anyone Think That?
I’m not Iron Woman. I know I seem relatively calm most of the time. I do focus on what needs to be done. And yet emotions, fatigue, fears, frustration are bound to show up somewhere, somehow. I think that’s true for all of us.
A year ago, I had what I think of as my “fake stroke.” I got double vision in one eye, lousy balance, dizzy spells, etc.mimicking some of Bob’s symptoms. A doctor got me a brain MRI immediately. What it showed: “a normal 75 year-old brain.” My symptoms disappeared. It was psychosomatic. Is that a “strong” way to handle fears for Bob’s health compared to other options, such as crying, complaining, oversleeping, not sleeping, throwing things? I don’t think so.
The Latest
Right now, a year later, I seem to have fallen ill again. Won’t burden you with the godawful symptoms but my GI tract has been in uproar for two weeks. I’m mostly collapsed on the sofa, feeling tired. 
Of course I think it’s from stress. My condition also mimics that of my friend Joe who is going through chemo and gut radiation. It wouldn’t be my first case of sympathy pains, but this kind of “sympathy” benefits no one.
Bob, retired psychologist, thinks I have caught an actual physical stomach bug, an especially long-lived one. Ironically, he accuses me of thinking everything is psychological.
I’m soon to see a doctor and hope to find out. Not even sure which answer I want. I’d just like to feel better and return to my usual level of energy. I’d like to rise from the sofa, though there’s not much that Bob needs me to do these days, mainly be around in case he loses his balance.
Creepy?
If someone were entirely unshakeable that would be creepy. But nobody is. Some of us are just slow to show emotion and do so in weird circuitous ways, psychosomatically for example or perhaps in a sinking spell with the help of a stomach bug. I’ll let you know what I find out.
Somewhat grumpily,
Peggy
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: .out of rehab, at home for 24/7 care, creepy, emotions fatigue fears frustration, everything is psychological, fake stroke, GI tract, normal 75 year old brain. psychosomatic, seem relatively calm, slow to show emotion, stomach bug, sympathy pains, usual level of energy
Comments
Thank you for sharing how it is going with you. It makes me feel not so abnormal in my aging journey.
Comparing notes does help us all, Nancy. I remember my writing group having a talk at length some years ago about our growing forgetfulness. It was hilarious. And it would not have been funny if we weren’t all reporting our charming lapses.
There’s nothing the slightest bit creepy about you, dear Peggy! But you ARE strong, which doesn’t mean you have to do all of it all of the time (to paraphrase Mr. Lincoln). It occurs to me there’s no reason I can’t come over & be on call if Bob should need anything, and you could take the afternoon off to do whatever you want or need to do. We’ll talk!
Many thanks, Christina. I’m picturing a T-shirt that says Strong But Not Creepily So.
Well you are string and always focused!!!
And you have always been one of my guiding lights!! Thank You!!!
Tam, I am honored. Thank YOU!
Peggy, many of us esp. women are so strong it’s creepy. We’ve been trained to respond in times of crisis as the steadfast ones. When my husband fell and hit his forehead and proceeded to bleed like a fountain(.blood thinners) I called 911, handed him something to press on the wound, put him on his back and went for a bathmat to put where the blood was pooled so the EMS folks wouldn’t be stepping in blood. All the while pulse rate sky high and nearly fainting at the sight of so much blood.
We do what we have to do.
Hope the tum is better soon. I think we’re all amazing.
Yes, we’re all amazing. I love that, Gail! And you certainly took good care of your husband.
Ah Peggy: Sending so much love and good wishes. Amey
I thank you, Amey!
Thinking of you, Peggy. Caretaking is hard stuff. ❤️
Thanks, Mamie! It is hard stuff and seems like quite a lot of us are doing a bit of it these days. I hope things are good with you and all your folks.
Very strong and decidedly non-creepy. I’m with Bob on this stomach thing likely being a bug. But hey, if you did experience some stress related physical symptoms, given the level of objective life stresses of the last few years, it sure wouldn’t mean you were handling your emotions poorly or committing some other psychological shortcoming. You are your body, as well as your mind and heart. You do seem to me a person who is by nature and practice strong of mind and body. And you deserve kindness and leniency of judgement when your body is assailed by either virus or stress. Hope you feel better real soon.
Thank you, Lee. You are so encouraging. I’m also leaning toward the bug explanation now. Madame Google helped me with that. I’m working on the leniency of self-judgment…quite a challenge there.
Dearest Peggy, sorry to hear of your illness. Whether it’s viral or psychosomatic, I hope you get well soon. That photo of you does show a person in some turmoil, so you have my sympathy.
My wife and I are going through some stuff too. The third day after we returned home from a month in southern Europe, she tripped on her rollator, fell, and broke her left elbow badly. That was 7 weeks and a day ago (on our 59th wedding anniversary!). She underwent an 8-hour surgical procedure two weeks later to piece her bones back together. I of course was tasked to help her in many things, from heating her heating pad to helping her dress & undress, and to take on clothes-washing and meal-preparation chores beyond my usual remit. Thank goodness she’s firmly on the mend, with in-home occupational and physical therapy behind her and now the same out-of-home.
Oh, one more thing: About 6 weeks before we left for Europe, I learned via brain MRI that I have another “benign” tumor (the first one was discovered and excised 29 years ago). A follow-up MRI a month ago showed no growth in the tumor, which is about the size of a walnut and located in my right medulla near my brain stem and a major artery. So, for now, I keep on keeping on.
I hope that you or some of your other readers can suggest candidates for what my T-shirt might say.
That T-shirt is a challenge, Moristotle, especially given all you’re going through. Makes my caregiving routine look so easy. I wish you both good health.
My original message didn’t post, apparently. You know, I am well acquainted with caretaking. I am also too well acquainted with intestinal tract problems, and when I had mine, it was due to a lousy gallbladder. I hope that’s not your situation, although it is an easy fix. But then you’d require a caretaker too. Here’s hoping for a speedy recovery for both you and Bob.
You know a great deal about caregiving, Kenju. And I’ve discovered that if I were to get seriously sick at this point, we’d need a fair amount of help. So I just won’t do that.
Hugs to you.
Many thanks, Anon!